Saving Superwoman

She has a perfectly organized home, can multitask, beat her face in under 10 minutes, make a 3 course meal in under 30, heal an anxious infant with the miracle milk flowing from her bosom, and churn out reports and proposals as easily as Steph Curry hits three pointers. She's a confidant, a lover, a friend, a defender, a visionary and a doer...

Her "persuasion can build a nation."

She is the glue that holds families and friends together, the "go-to girl."

Jill of all trades, master of ALL. Even on her worst day, during a whole worldwide PANDEMIC she's closing deals and still has it “together” (whatever that means). Is there anything sis can’t do? She sounds like #momgoals #boss ← insert your favorite strong woman hashtag lol

Her kryptonite? Herself.

Somewhere along the line she was misguided into believing that you have to do something to be “worthy” of love and acceptance. That on her own she isn’t enough, but perfectionism & performance is a way out. This is the subconscious root of her overachieving tendencies. So she's always helpful and readily available to protect and serve everyone...

Except herself.

Sound familiar?

Don’t get it twisted - being amazing, efficient, and ambitious should be applauded and celebrated. BUT, are you showing up for everyone and everything except the things that really matter to you? Are you helping everyone with their dreams while yours fall by the wayside? Houston, we have a problem!

There’s this myth that being “every woman” 24/7 is something to take pride in. This woman can do it “all,” but not nearly enough for herself. This myth is the source of anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges facing women who have never given themselves permission to be kind to themselves first, much less take a nap. This myth is rooted in deception that says, “You are not enough.” The truth is, YOU ARE ENOUGH and your perfectionism is not leaving any room for GRACE to flow in your life.

Whew. Edges snatched.

If you’ve ever perfectly curated balanced meals for your family or friends, then just slopped together a plate for yourself, this is for you. If you’ve ever spent weeks on a project for work (after hours), and still can’t find time for the things you’re most passionate about, this is for you. If you’ve ever sacrificed sleep for friends who won’t do the same for you, this is for you. If you encourage your tribe to prioritize self care, but never really apply lotion to the back of your knees, or to your elbows because you’re constantly rushing - THIS. IS. FOR. YOU.

If you feel "attacked". This is for YOU!

The truth is that you cannot pour from an empty vessel. The truth is that self-love and self-care are beautiful forms of stewardship, and should be prioritized on your to-do list . The truth is that women who seem to have it all, or be "self-made" had HELP; or may not have "it all" all at the same time. ← Read that sentence again.

I'm a recovering kryptonian (if you don't know that reference, maybe we can't be friends). I suffered from “icanhelpyoubutnotmself” for many years. I wore too many hats that weren’t all purposeful in the name of being all things to all people, all the time. It’s incredibly unhealthy (and exhausting) to sacrifice mental wellness and self care in the name of perfection.

Perfectionism is a form of idolatry rooted in pride.

I know that may hurt to hear, but let the truth set you free tuhday!

I’ve learned that the instructions shared on airplanes in the event of an emergency apply for everyday survival.

"In the event of decompression, an oxygen mask will appear in front of you. Please put your mask on FIRST before attempting to help anyone else."

What does that look like in everyday life:

1. SIMPLIFY! Create room in your schedule for things that feed your spirit, and restrict things that don't.

2. You are what you eat. Literally. Our bodies run off what we feed it and we only get one! Eat foods that nourish you and make time for activities that strengthen you (i.e. Exercise, dance, stretching, etc.). I’m not saying you need to run and be vegan now - cuz sis, I like eggs too (lol), but I am saying make wiser choices.

3. Do the work & protect your peace! If this speaks to you, take some time to evaluate how you ended up here. What is the root of your need for everything to be “just so,” and how has it impacted your progress? Let’s unpack this sis. Then create boundaries and MAINTAIN them.

4. Take a day off. Seriously, you work for those benefits. Use them and DO NOT feel guilty for taking a day to rest. Sabbath is a biblical principle. The maker of the universe took a day to REST. Make refreshing a non-negotiable in your life.

5. Remember that "No" is a complete sentence. PERIODT.

The goal is NOT perfection – it's authenticity.

My dear friend offered a suggestion that in an instant freed me and opened my eyes to how bound I was by the need to “have it all together.” She simply said, “Take off the cape and rest a while…”

Our greatest super power is the ability to tap into our supernatural source (God) who exchanges weakness for strength, ashes for beauty, and mourning for joy. Superwoman? Not so much. supernatural grace, wisdom, and strength? Yea, I’ll take grace for $500 Alex.

Is your cape getting heavy? Take it off, and rest a while.

Bag Lady, You gon’ hurt your back… dragging all them bags like that

One day all dem bags gon’ get in your way so… pack light

Erykah Badu

I love you & I’m rooting for you